It’s finally here. Tomorrow, I leave for Staging. I can’t believe the time has come. So many emotions surging through me, but right now, at the state I’m in, I don’t have the words adequate enough to describe what I’m feeling, but I’ll try my best.
I went to church with my family this morning, and sitting there, I wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on. I just kept thinking about my family and friends. What if something happens to my parents when I’m gone? What happens if something happened to my sister or brother-in-law or my niece or my nephew? I think I’m more worried about something happening to someone in my family than I am about something happening to me. I briefly mentioned to my parents that I was really nervous about going, and my mom just casually responded, “This is what you want, so go for it!” It really helped that she said that, and I was very happy she did. I didn’t say much after.
Thinking back on this past week, I’ve had so much support from family and friends. So many friends are SUPER excited for me to go… more excited that I even feel right now. To be honest, I’m not that excited; I’m just very scared and nervous now. The excitement left a few days ago after the realization that Staging was just around the corner. My nerves are getting the better of me. What if my bags are lost during transit? What if I miss my flight or my connecting flight? What if I’m not good at what I do, even with all the Peace Corps training? What if I don’t learn the language well enough to pass the language tests at the end of training? What if I get really sick right when I get there? Mosquitos really really like my blood, so what if I catch a disease or illness that can’t be cured and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life? I know I worry too much, but who wouldn’t be thinking of these things if they were moving to Africa for 2 years? For the most part, I know these fears are just in my head and once I get there, everything will fall into place, or at least I hope they do. I’m hanging in there. I bet in a couple of weeks, I’ll look back on this post and realize that I was being overly dramatic and stupid. I hope that will be the case. Plus, I’m just ranting right now. My thoughts are everywhere. I apologize for that.
In short, I leave tomorrow morning. I fly to Staging, and then on Wednesday, I fly to Africa… Goodbye USA! See you in 2 years!